Dear Bully,

What makes you think you can treat other people the way that you do?

What inside you tells you it is OK to ridicule, push around and threaten those that cross your path?

What do you gain from it?  Do you really get that?  Or are you fooling yourself?

I want to tell you something.  I see through you.  I know who you really are.  And what you are showing the world when you bully others is not you.  It is a you that you have created out of a need for something.  Something you think that you are missing.  Something you long for.  Something that is eating away at you.  Something that causes you great suffering.  I want you to know I understand.

Where did you learn this?  Has someone else treated you the way that you treat the people you bully?  Who are they?  Was that person being who they really are?  Or were they suffering, too?  You know the answer.

Are you angry about something?  What is it?  Who can you go to for help with that?  Who can you trust to share your problem?  Do you threaten and control others to appease your anger?  Is it working?  Or does it feed the anger?  Is anger who you are?

What is going on in your home?  Is it OK to speak your mind there?  Are there things that you can’t talk about at home?  Do you see/hear things that you cannot repeat to others?  Are there secrets?  What do you wish you could reveal about your home life?

I want you to know that whatever is happening, it is not your job to carry it alone.

I want you to think about the people that you push around.  Do you know what is going on in their homes?  What do you know about them?  Maybe they have some of the same problems you have.  Maybe they are suffering in the same way as you.  Is it possible that you are the same?  If things were different, if you acted differently towards them, maybe you would actually be friends.  Maybe they would be a person who could even help you through whatever you are facing.  Maybe.  How will you ever know?

You have caused others to suffer.  You have done things and said things to make others feel as badly as you do.  Maybe worse.  Does that make you feel better?  Does it make your worries fade?  Does it take away your suffering?  I know the answer.

The bully is not who you really are.  The anger is not who you are.  I know who you are.  You came into this world in the same way as everyone else.  Though the miracle of creation.  You are a miracle.  There is reason and purpose for your being here.  It is not an accident.  It is not a mistake.  You are a gift to this world.  Why?  Why are you here?  Is it to bully others?  To teach them a lesson?  To show others their vulnerability?  Is that your job?  Perhaps.  Or perhaps there is more.  Perhaps your job is to look beyond those things.  Look deeper into yourself.  It might be scary.  It might be lonely.  It might bring up all the pain at once.  And it might set you free.

Sincerely,

Becky Richardson

Certified Life Coach to Kids

Yesterday, I was told by a well-intended person how scary it is that Gottschalks AND Ross are closing their stores.  I asked her why it was scary.  She said she didn’t know, but that it meant the economy was getting worse and things were really bad.  I suggested she be grateful that she doesn’t work for Gottschalks or Ross.

A few days before that, I was in the line at the market behind a man who was bad-mouthing the government and going on about what “horrible times” these are, as the checker nodded in agreement.  I thought for a moment that I should be worried.  Then I noticed that the man seemed to be dressed well, and had no problem paying for his groceries.  It was one of the most beautiful days I have EVER seen.  We were standing in this huge store filled to the brim with food and supplies.  Everyone around me appeared to be in good health.  As far as I could tell, no one had weapons and our lives weren’t being threatened.  Horrible?

There seems to be a fret-n-worry mentality spreading like wildfire.  I understand why.  I also understand that if we want things to be different, we need to start paying attention to different things.  

How can we exist in these unsteady times without feeling at least a tinge of fear, let alone overwhelming panic?  My answer is this: Fall in LOVE.

It is said in the Bible that true love casts out fear, and I know that this is true.  Think of a time when you were falling in love.  It seems that in the midst of love, there is no space for fear or panic.  Your focus is on the object of your affection.  The love that you are experiencing fills you with a sense that all is well, and it is.  Sometimes you fall in love with some-thing, instead of some-one.  Have you ever fallen in love with a hobby, or an idea, or a job, or a pet?  It doesn’t matter what or who you love, as long as you love.

Whatever you focus on, expands.  It’s a law.  If I send you to the park and ask you to look for blue birds, what happens?  You will find blue birds!  Do you think you will notice the red birds, or the black ones?  Sadly, you may miss those.  Why?  Because I have set you up to only notice blue birds.

Likewise, if I ask you to notice how rude people are when you are in town today, guess what?  People will be rude to you.  If you are expecting to meet friendly people, they show up as well.  It works.  Try it.

This is my challenge to you.  Whatever your situation, try to take a few minutes out of every day to fall in love again.  Find a hobby you love.  Spend time with someone you love.  Do something that YOU LOVE!  It could be listening to your favorite music, or walking on the beach, or snuggling your kitty.  You can even try closing your eyes and imagining the person or thing that you love.  The more you practice this, and spend time in your feelings of love, the less fear you will experience.  

I find when I become fearful, I forget how to love.  I lose appreciation for the people and the blessings in my life.  But when I am in love, I forget how to be afraid.  Just Love.  

I do Bikram Yoga.  It’s also called “hot yoga”.  It is called that because the class is conducted in a room that is heated to about 105 degrees.  However, depending on the number of bodies in the class, and the time of day, the room can even be hotter.  Bikram Yoga is one of my favorite things and it is also something I resist.  I love it because of how healthy I feel after I am done.  And when I do it regularly without a break, I feel better in every way.  I feel strong.  I feel flexible.  I do not get aches and pains.  My neck doesn’t “kink up”.  In fact, my visits to the chiropractor nearly cease.

Or, you might be a “thrill-seeker”.  It is thought that people who sky-dive and rock climb are in fact yearning for that connection to the present.  Under such circumstances, a small distraction could mean life or death.  Certainly, jumping out of an airplane is a good way to FORCE yourself into the moment!  I cannot speak from experience on that one. 

Wow!  It was really hard to actually type that title!  This is the topic of THIS conversation.  Why as a woman do I feel the need to diminish my being, my essence?  Well, I am on a search to find out, and to remedy that!

I just returned from a seminar with my beloved teacher, Barbara DeAngelis.  It was called the Goddess Seminar.  It was just for women (of course) and was the most powerful experience I have ever had in regards to making life transforming spiritual and emotional shifts.  Barbara talked with us about the magic of the feminine energy, that which births everything.  It is the source of our creativity and our power as women.  I am not talking about power in the way of clenching your fists and “holding your own” or being able to control everything and everyone in your life.  This power is something I have spent most of my life trying to avoid.  It is soft.  It is gentle.  It is loving.  It is TRUE POWER.

I am looking around, at my family and my community, and society in general.  I notice that many women are doing this.  I call it “dumbing down their femininity”.  It’s like when I go to my mother’s house and she grabs the neckline of my top and pulls it up toward my neck.  Now, it isn’t that my breasts are actually hanging out.  It just isn’t comfortable to her for me to show that I have them.  And I am finally noticing that this is the kind of message I have been getting all my life, from different sources.

I realized while at the Goddess Seminar that I have never completely embraced my feminine energy, my Goddess-ness.  To me, claiming ownership of an “Inner-Goddess” was all about sex and a woman using that to have power over men.  It felt dirty.  It felt harsh.  It didn’t seem fair or kind.  It felt like a game.

I remember putting on dresses when I was a little girl and the first thing I would always do was to spin around and around.  I wanted to see how “spinny” it was   It was the best if it went all the way out to the side in all directions!  I loved it!  But at some stage of my formative years, I gave up the dress, and actually disowned it, for other less girlie alternatives.  Why did I do that?  Well, I was taught that I was an “object” and that when I “fix myself up”,  the primary goal was to get the attention of a boy/man.  I rebelled against this idea.  Each time I got dressed up and put on makeup, I felt like I was doing it for someone else.  It wasn’t for me.  So, I got resentful, and I hated the fact that I was spending the time preparing myself to impress others when I could be doing something else that I enjoyed.  Twisted, eh?  (No, I am not Canadian )  

All through my adolescence, for the most part, I avoided wearing makeup.  Unless it was a special occasion or picture day.  LOL  Occasionally, my mother would say to me as I walked out the door, “Becky, how about some blush?”  I shunned her comments and left with my fresh, clean makeup-free face, and damned to hell anyone else who might have a problem with it.  This was my fight.  The problem is that I never saw it as a fight.  I thought I was being natural and believed that I was merely annoyed with the whole putting it on/taking it off procedure.  I was lying to myself.  When I wore makeup, I felt prettier.  When I dressed up, I felt good about myself.  GOD FORBID I DO THAT EVERYDAY!!!  I cannot tell you how many times I would put on really pretty clothes and then take them off because of the thought that I needed to save them for something more special.  Ugh!

Well, what is more special than being a girl?  I am learning that there isn’t much.  Maybe nothing.  I will get back to you on that.  In the meantime, I have decided to claim my  womanhood, my feminine nature, my divine Goddess energy.  I will wear the beautiful clothes that hang in my closet, even when there isn’t anywhere to go.  I will use all of my gorgeous shoes that are lined up on the shelf that watch me leave in flip-flops every day.  And I will wear makeup!!!

Being in this energy, to me, is to recognize that I carry a powerful nature, given to me by God, or whatever you call God.  It is motherly but also sexy.  It is powerful in its ability to be gentle and loving.  It is truly beautiful.  And, it is so much fun!  I call all women to join my on this journey of reclaiming that which makes us who we are, and also connects us with one another.  By honoring the Goddess in me, I honor the Goddess in all of us.

Let’s put on our dresses again, and SPIN!!!

With Love.